The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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