all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's blow job season.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
