cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
