walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
