Don't EVER smell your tampon
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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