You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
