He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
