the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
