No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
