wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
