It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
