her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
