I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
