# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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