how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
