Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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