she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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