You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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