I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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