I just made out with a guy for $7.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
