laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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