they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
