Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
and you fell through a lawn chair
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
