I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
