Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
