can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize