Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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