Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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