you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
