HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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