I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
