This is not my ceiling
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
