brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You can't motorboat a personality
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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