she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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