You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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