the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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