so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
