Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
