My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
