I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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