I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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