I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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