First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
