I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
