I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
