Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
