so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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