I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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