And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
