Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
