The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
