i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
