I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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