9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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