In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
