i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have post one night stand depression
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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