Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
