So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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