btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
