ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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