The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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