I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
