I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
