So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
