I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
