If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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