Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
