he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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