I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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