i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
