You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
