Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
