He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
