fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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