Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
