I think i sorta joined a cult last night
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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