If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
