I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
