So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
