homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
