I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ugly people sure do ruin things
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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