sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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